A tentative plan

I've taken the last few days to let my subconscious chew on the current situation. I silently resolved to not panic, not over-stress myself...and have spent some time discussing with my mom, as well as my boyfriend. 


Both encouraged me to try one more injection, when I was hemming and hawing about whether it was worth it. 


My boyfriend thinks the animal communicator is a bunch of crap. I knew he would, but I have spoken with her before, and I know she's not. It's not quite in the budget currently, so I am going to continue to put it off. Maybe when I get my tax return, I will take the money and call her. I'm not sure yet.


Anyway. He openly dislikes the fact that I pay the equivalent of rent in an inexpensive apartment for Promise each month by the time board, shoes, supplements, etc. have been paid for. At the same time, he fully supports my passion, and would never in a million years demand I sell her or anything like that. His issue is not with Promise herself, just the money she costs me each month! It's a fine line, but since his passion is motorcycles, we have a sort of understanding between us. I have my thing, he has his, neither of us is giving it up, nor do we expect the other to. 


With that said, I was surprised when he was throwing ideas at me. He thought I was shooting them down, but in reality, I was still processing the whole thing somewhere in my head, and I wasn't really ready to think outside the box...I was still stuck in the tunnel of the situation. His main thing was that if she's not in any actual pain, wouldn't I rather put her out to pasture somewhere, and maybe see her less often (is that possible?!) than I do now, than euthanize her and not be able to see her at all. 


In the scope of things, for a non-horse person, I found this to be a rather deep thought.


Of course, it was mixed in with things like, you could give her away, or sell her to someone that will just keep her as a pet...etc. No. No. No. I know he had the best of intentions here. Still, I felt like he should have known my reasoning here, but he didn't seem to be clear on it, so I had to explain. I made a commitment to this animal, and she is mine until the day I do actually have to make that decision, whether it is two weeks from now, or another few years down the road. I will not give her away and I will not sell her, I will NOT take the chance that someone who seems perfectly nice will neglect or abuse her. I will NOT take the chance that she will go to an auction and end up in a slaughterhouse. I will NOT put myself through the angst of not knowing where she is going or where she ended up. I WILL take the plunge and euthanize her before I do either of those things. Am I clear? Yes? Good. End of that discussion, please.


On Sunday, I spent some time hanging out with Promise. I groomed and massaged her, rubbed her stifles with liniment. I stuffed her full of mints (as usual), and then put her away just in time for her dinner to arrive. I stood in her stall while she ate...I had brought my sketch pad and some pencils with me, intending to do some drawing. Well, I tried a couple of quick warm-ups things to kind of get my hand back, but it wasn't going well. It's been a while since I've picked up a pencil. And, I'm not much of a realist, so I get annoyed with myself when it doesn't look like a real horse...I still struggle sometimes with my expressionist style. 


Anyway...I was getting a bit warmer when she finished her dinner and came over to investigate why her mommy was standing in the corner not paying any attention to her. She proceeded to stare at me, try to chew on the pad, try to steal the pencil, sniff me from head to toe, rinse and repeat. Cute. Snotty. But cute.


So, I tried to have a conversation with her. I'm sure she answered me, but unfortunately, she didn't do so in a way that I understood. I can't hear her. And she wouldn't give me a yes or no, lol. Not for lack of trying, on my part! 


Well, it turns out she and I have a bit of a language barrier. Are you surprised? I wasn't. So, I had to make a decision. 


I decided I'm going to try one more injection. The vet is scheduled to come out on February 8. I've got my fingers crossed that her body won't break it down as quickly, and maybe we'll get 4 or 6 months out of it, instead. If that's the case, I will try another, and hope for the same thing. If I get 2 months again, I will look deeper into pasture board options either in Ocala or down in Manatee county. And, if that's what happens, and I haven't done it by then, I will speak with the communicator to make sure she's not in pain, she's happy, etc. and then make a decision from there. 


In the mean time, I'm going to do my best to enjoy her company as much as I can, and since the holidays are over, I should be able to ride pretty much every weekend, except the one per month that I am in Tallahassee....assuming this injection works as well as the first.