Getting it done -- and doing it well!

My lessons have been going really well lately -- although they have not been without a small-to-medium helping of anxiety occasionally. I think it might always be a work in progress for me, but I'm developing the tools to deal with it, so that's good! I've mostly continued the trend of my lease ride on Tosh on Sundays and riding Jodee on Tuesdays. 

I did miss 1 Sunday ride because we joined a friend and his wife at their beach house over Halloween weekend. It was really nice to see 4 different walls for a few days. The friends are great company, and love Jazzy, so she got to go, too. Plus, the beach was pretty empty, so we felt really safe being there.

She wore her Halloween bandana most of the weekend

We got back early on Sunday afternoon, feeling pretty refreshed. I rode Tuesday night and as we did a 2-point trot to warm-up, T said I was looking really straight and balanced. I said, funny, it feels like I'm leaning hard left. She said, that's because you're actually using your left side and your body has no idea what to do with itself. Well, alrighty then LOL

When it came time to canter, I guess my heart rate increased because all of a sudden, Jodee was walking as fast as she could. This horse, I swear. I think she can actually read my mind even when I don't know wtf is going on it my own head, lol. I tried taking deep breaths, half halting, etc. I eventually halted at C, closed my eyes, and took some deep breaths. It sort of worked. Then T told me to canter from there, so I grabbed some mane in my outside hand and kissed, and off we went. It took a few laps and a few circles for me to remember to breathe again...because breathing is hard. 

Then we switched directions and I was able to keep my heart rate a bit slower. When T told me canter, I kept my reins long, grabbed mane with my outside hand and asked. What a difference in her gait. I almost had to kick her on several times. 

Beautiful sunrise beneath storm clouds

This past Sunday, I rode Tosh in a saddle for the first time since I rode him on a Tuesday night several weeks ago. T asked if I wanted to ride inside or out and I opted for outside. When she asked what I wanted to work on, I said straightness, breathing, and dealing with anxiety if it crops up. She asked why I thought it might crop up that day and I said, well, I don't know if any of it is due to this arena or just the baggage I have from jumping. She said, well, I usually don't see a lot of anxiety in you until you know it's time to jump, and you know you're not jumping today, so it should be a non-issue. 

It mostly was a non-issue. Tosh was his usual good boy self, and even saved my butt a couple of times when I missed a turn or started overthinking. Like when T told me to turn up quarter line heading away from her and I turned too late and badly with my upper body, and Tosh slowed down because he wasn't sure wtf I actually wanted from him. By that point, we were a couple of strides away from the oxer on the outside line and gently he dodged left back to the rail like, nope, we're not doing that, lady. It was really sweet and I found myself chuckling at him as we came around to try the turn again. 

I got to fly my kite for the first time in ages!

Yesterday, I was assigned to Jodee again. Jodee was fidgeting and my stomach was doing flippity flops for some reason, so I spent most of the time I was grooming her also talking to the anxiety. I looked at my watch and my heart rate was in the 120s. Good grief. So I took some deep breaths and kept talking, and got it down to the upper 90s. Jodee took a breath then, too, and stood still. Point taken, horse.

Side note, but if you've watched the move Inside Out, you'll get it when I say that I try picture my
anxiety like the little purple Fear guy. It does help a little to put a (rather cute) face on it!

By the time I was walking down to the arena with Jo, I was feeling a little less like I had a knot in my belly. When T asked what we all wanted to work on, we all pretty much said some semblance of having a nice, quiet, relaxing ride, and I added, "with a huge helping of breathing on the side!"

I spent the majority of the lesson really focusing on my yoga breathing -- a deep inhale through the nose, and a full exhale through the mouth -- at all gaits. I also glanced at my watch occasionally to check on my heart rate. When we were walking, it stayed in the low-mid 90s. As a result, her walk stayed at a very reasonable rate and her breathing stayed calm, too.

When it was time to canter, we all chose to go right first. J because it's her worse direction, K because it's her horse's worse direction, and me because that is the direction I tend to have the most anxiety about (I think it has to do with all the leaning to the right I do, I'm still exploring that).

Beach dog enjoying our last morning on the sand

I kept reins fairly loose as I asked and gathered them once we were cantering. I stuck with her and didn't feel like I needed to grab a little mane to not get left behind, which was nice. I also immediately took a deep breath! Yay, me! The left was even better.

Then, it was doomsday jumping time. T was in the middle of saying, "So, who wants to jump first" when I shot my hand up in the air, somehow jumping in front of J who was saying she wanted to go first. I was like, sorry, J, I want to get it over with before I get stuck in my own head. She laughed and said, you're gonna do great. 

The east coast is so beautiful

Guys, I think it might have been my best course ever. I'm not sure, it might have been the best course ever, ever, not just at this barn ever. 

Basically, I let Jodee trot before I could even think about it or before my heart could start racing, and then I just took a few deep breaths here and there (seriously have got to breathe more!) and we totally got it done. I (mostly) unintentionally brought Jodee back to a trot in the longer approaches, but I asked her to canter over the first fence in a line or just before it and she did it every time, so I'm clearly getting at least a little more confident and less like "Oh shit" about all of this. I even did the full outside line (to the oxer that Tosh and I had dodged on Sunday) for the first time! 

I jumped ahead once, looked at the base of a jump at least once, but overall, it was a damn near perfect course. And it felt absolutely incredible! I exited the arena with a big, stupid grin on my face even as I was huffing and puffing from not breathing enough!

A little more at ease

When I got to the barn on Tuesday, I wasn't even a little bit surprised to see my name next to Jodee's on the lesson board. I don't know if my Tuesday lease has officially been switched over to her, but I have a feeling it's in the works, LOL.

I groomed her and cleaned her stall and quietly worked through the exercises I've been learning. When she got a little snorty at someone opening a new round bale in the aisle (because she was on the side of the stall where she couldn't see them), I laughed at her and told her she was being ridiculous. She continued snorting and straining to see what was happening. Since I was about ready to clean the side she was standing on, I moved her to the tie on the other side of the stall and it worked out well. She could see what was happening and calm herself down, and I could finish her stall. 

When lesson time came, I took several deep yoga breaths as I was bridling her and told my Lizard Brain thanks but no thanks, and walked down to the arena. I tried to continue the yoga breaths throughout my ride, which worked maybe 60% of the time. I think that's still more than I normally breathe in a class 😆

Our flatwork was pretty good! Since I had felt like I was sliding around on Sunday, I decided to wear my dover full seat breeches and see if it made a difference in how secure I felt in my seat and legs. The stickiness of the silicone has kind of worn out, but they still have just enough stick that it worked. It gave me exactly the amount of stick I was going for. So, I was able to trot and canter her around, without feeling like I was going to slide off any second, and mostly without feeling like I needed to grab mane to steady my body. In our right lead canter, it felt like we were bombing around the arena (we totally weren't) but I counted her strides, breathed semi-regularly, and had a grand old time - with no mane holding. All of that is amazing progress in a week! 

I jumped second, and T had me trot to start, but then encouraged me to let her canter through the little stones to lime green line. She said, it's way easier, and I think you'll love it. Well, it was really lovely and I tried to let her canter the rest of our fences, but while my mouth said, "Canter, Jodee!" my body was screaming, "Oh, sh!t, oh, sh!t, don't canter!" Poor Jodee. I said, "Canter, Jodee!" and her ears swiveled a mile a minute. I'm sure the look on her face said, "No, ma'am, you are NOT ready for that!" 

I don't have video from the course, but here is the last course we did on Sunday -- mistakes and all. 😊

Stepping outside of my comfort zone

Yesterday, T texted around 8:15 to ask if she could call me. I said yup, and my phone rang a few seconds later. She said, so Tosh threw both front shoes. Do you want to ride Skylar or Jodee? I immediately said, let's go with Jodee.

When I finished grooming and doing my chores, I went to the arena to watch a little bit of the class before mine. T asked if I wanted to ride inside or out. I said, uhmmm, let's do inside. She asked why and I said I was trying to lessen the anxiety in my head. She said, well, how will you ever be less anxious out there if you don't ride out there. Ok, that's a totally fair question. Absolutely fair. And valid. 😐

So, when I brought Jodee in to warm-up, T asked again. We can go outside, I squeaked. She said, you don't have to. I said, let's go outside, a little more firmly. After I did my 2 laps of 2-point in the indoor, we headed down the hill to the outdoor.

On the way there, I felt my anxiety creep up. I took a page from Brain Training for Riders and said out loud, I see you're here again and I know why, but I don't need you today. Jodee and I have got this. Then I took a deep breath and tried to clear my head of all chatter.

Look, media! And a fancy trot on a loose rein rather than a fancy trot on a death grip rein 😀

T asked what I wanted to work on, so I explained a little bit about the book and some of the things I am learning from it. I said, one of the things that really stuck out was not striving for "relaxation" because you can't really be relaxed and ride effectively, so instead, you should strive for "focused calm." Then I told her about telling my Lizard Brain it's not needed today as Jodee and I had walked down the hill. I said, it sounds and feels a bit silly, but I'm hoping it works. She said, it's not silly, especially if it works.

She sent us off to the right in a 2-point trot to warm-up. I grabbed mane to help me get my legs and body correct and off we went. I breathed deeply pretty often and kept my body soft, but focused on riding every stride. Sure enough, Jodee's rhythm stayed the same, but her pace slowed. I didn't know this mare could go that slow and it felt great. 

We changed directions a couple of times and I was able to keep it together pretty well. I could feel myself leaning as we came around the scary tires jump to turn onto quarterline, fixed it, and she immediately turned where I looked. 

Then we started cantering. To the right first. I lost my left stirrup almost immediately and couldn't get it back, so brought her back to the walk to gather it and tried again. Seeing the videos is eye-opening because she feels SO freaking quick at the canter but clearly I can see that she's not at all quick. I was totally holding mane and counting strides until I got into the tempo and then it just felt forward and ground-covering, but not fast. Progress.

Excuse the RBFF (riding breathing focused face) throughout these videos. I have never looked like I'm enjoying myself when I ride LOL. And in the next one, I'm not actually about to vomit. I'm internally telling my Lizard Brain it's not needed because we were fine and trying to breathe and not to look down!
 

Carefully selected screen grab LOL

All in all, it was a great class. I made mistakes but I know why and I felt most them, which is HUGE. I was able to mostly keep my Rational Brain firmly inserted in my helmet and only had to chat with the Lizard Brain a couple of times. Y'know what, Lizard Brain? We didn't die. Even when I looked at the base of every single jump and poor Jodee hit her knees several times. 

Also helpful for my brain and confidence was taking a page from Amanda's "What is 'real'?" book. I have been careful not to minimize how huge all of this was for me at this point in my riding and even more careful to not compare it to other times when I did more and felt more confident doing it. That stuff doesn't matter because this is where I am at right now. 

And where I'm at right now is this: I have confidence issues and anxiety about certain feelings I get from the horse beneath me under saddle and over fences. I don't want to feel like I am out of control (RE: like I can't control my horse). T reminded me that if I can control my own body, and ride every stride, I can therefore control my horse's body, and will be ready for whatever might be thrown at me and then the issue is naturally mostly resolved. Funny, because the book says essentially the same thing 🤔

Anyway. What really matters is that I voluntarily (with a small kick from someone I trust that also believes in me) stepped outside of my comfort zone yesterday. And, I succeeded. AND, I had a great ride! 

Where does time go? And lizard brain problems.

All of a sudden, it's been another month and I haven't posted any updates. Oops 🤷🤷 

Every once in a while, I'd think, I should post about my lesson, and then either work would get busy or I just wouldn't feel like it. I think I haven't felt like it because while they have been great, my lessons have essentially been a lot more of the same! Focus on breathing, focus on stretching up through the torso, down through the legs, more breathing. And sometimes, just having a good ride to end a stressful day.

I have no lesson media, so this post will be full of gratuitous garden pictures

My surcingle rides on Tosh have been going really well. Our crazy changing weather has thrown a couple of wrenches in in terms of stiffness and warm-up times, but I did have a huge epiphany a couple of weeks ago. 1 week I had spent 20 or 30 minutes stretching before I went to the barn and the next week, I didn't stretch at all. Wow, did it make a big difference. When I stretched, our warm-up was quick and we were able to get down to work almost immediately, where it took nearly half the class to loosen my hips up when I didn't. So, that was a really good lesson learned and I really make an effort to stretch my hips and hamstrings before every ride now.

My group rides on Skylar have also been going well. My biggest issue is that I lack stamina in 1 direction at the canter. So, I can only keep his front and hind ends together in 1 direction. In the second direction, he'll drop his hind lead out from under me for a stride or 2 before I get it together and make him correct it. It's getting better, though!

Before the major clean-up

After the major clean-up

Then, a few weeks ago, on a Sunday, I got to the barn and found out that Tosh had thrown a shoe, so I was assigned to Jodee, who is a black percheron/arabian cross that T rescued several years ago. I was excited to try her. I know she's a barn favorite, but I had never seen her go and did not know what to expect. 

While my rational brain was excited to try her out, apparently my lizard brain was pretty convinced we were going to die once I got on, which resulted in a rather tense lesson. I was not expecting her to be so forward and I struggled through most of the class to keep my legs in the correct position, because of her conformation (re: big belly). T told me right away that she moves like an arabian with the mouth of a percheron and pulling on her won't get me anywhere but she knows her words and is very responsive to voice and body. 

Long story short, she's a VERY different ride from Tosh and Skylar.

Then this past Monday, Skylar was having issues with his cribbing collar and was cribbing through it, causing himself discomfort and rumor has it he got rather snarky with the girl who was riding him on Monday AND T when she came in to help. So, T texted me Monday night and asked if I wanted to ride Jodee again. I said, sure! I vowed to myself that I was going to keep that damn lizard brain calm and have a better ride. Well, it started out WAY better than a few weeks ago, but then a severe storm moved in quickly and our ride was cut short as we rushed to get everyone tucked in for the night and get ourselves off the hill.

Day 2's section before major clean-up

Day 2's section after major clean-up

So, we had a redo yesterday. We were in the jumping arena out front, and again I could tell that my lizard brain had snuck in and despite the others in the group telling me what a good girl Jodee is, and that she is a lot of fun to jump and really takes care of her rider, plus breathing semi-regularly, I was subconsciously uptight for most of the ride. 

I did eventually get my brain to calm down some and our right lead canter was really lovely. I focused on breathing and counting my strides and it dawned on me that she wasn't going fast at all, she was just covering a lot of ground.

Anyway, T told me to stay in the ring and pick up a posting trot while everyone else exited and I tried to keep myself breathing and soft. I find this very difficult to achieve when I don't know what to expect 🤣  hearing it from the others helped, but not having seen it, I still felt like I was going in blind.

To start, T had me go over the small brick on half school a couple of times. She told me to grab mane, wait and let her go, which I eventually succeeded at. Then we did the small stone to the lime green diagonal line, which went a bit better. 

Finally, she had me come around and wanted me to grab mane and let her canter to the tires. Instead, I stopped in front of her and said, You want me to jump THAT?! She was like, yes, what's the problem? I said, but it's so big. She laughed a little and said, it's the same height as the rest of the fences. You can do it, and Jodee definitely can. Go back to the little brick and then let her canter to the tires. Gulp.

I took a deep breath, put my big girl panties on, and did what she said, and y'know what? It was totally fine, just like she said it would be. Jodee jumped it easily, and it didn't feel that big when we were going over it. 

Also, please enjoy a gratuitous hound in a unicorn sweater picture

T said that was great! What were you so worried about? Then she said to Jodee, good girl, Jo-Jo, she just needs to have some faith in you. I chuckled and said, I have faith in HER, it's myself I don't trust. T laughed a little and said, well, your body is there, we just need your brain to catch up with it. As we exited, J looked at me and whispered, I know exactly what you were feeling there. 💜

When everyone finished jumping, T said, that was a great class ladies. And she walked with me up the hill a little and told me again that I had done great and asked how I felt. I said, I feel pretty good. I might need to go empty my underwear, but I feel pretty good. She advised me to buy some brown breeches. 🤣 

Anyway, we had a long chat on the way down to the far pasture to turn the girls out. T reminded me that she isn't going to over face me with horse or task and repeated that my body is ready. Then she said, if you don't want to ride Jodee, that's totally fine. We can find someone else for you to try. I tried to explain that I think it's a lizard brain vs rational brain issue and said I think I'd like to try her a few more times and see if I can get the hang of her because she is fun, she's a good girl, and I don't feel consciously nervous. 

So, really I just need to learn how to acknowledge my lizard brain is there and get it to stop badgering me. My self-assigned homework over the next couple of weeks is to dig further into Brain Training for Riders: Unlock Your Riding Potential with StressLess Techniques for Conquering Fear, Improving Performance, and Finding Focused Calm. Hopefully I can learn some new techniques for quieting that voice of doom in my head!

I've been slacking

Somehow August is almost over already and I haven't posted since the 3rd. Good grief. I always joke that after my birthday comes and goes early in the month, it's only like 3 days until Christmas. That's how it always feels. Like I blink and the year is over as soon as my birthday ends. So weird. But also, with COVID, the year has been bizarre and also flying by, so I'm pretty sure Christmas is tomorrow, right?

I've been rewatching Gilmore Girls for the 193,791,739th time

Anyway, last time I posted, I was nursing my back back to health. (How's that for an awkward sentence?) It's been feeling really good the last couple of weeks. I'm back to seeing my chiro every other week and I've been easing back into working out this week. I've noticed a decrease in my stamina over the last week or so, so I decided it's time to start motivating myself to get my butt out of bed in the mornings and get back to it. 

My rides have been going really well, though! In general, I've been very consistently balanced every ride. I've been struggling with tightness through my hips, but that is partially due to not working out and stretching like I had been. I'm only leaning once in a while, and usually it seems it's because I'm concentrating on something else so hard. Like last night, in the right lead canter on Skylar, I was focusing so much on keeping my outside leg back and on him so I didn't drop his hind end and cause him to switch behind, that I started tipping right around my turns. But, I didn't drop his hind end AND I did feel the leaning. So, small victories that add up to larger ones once I can put it all together. To the left, I did drop his hind end a few times, but my upper body felt better. It felt like it was easier to stay up and back, while my outside leg felt weaker. 

I also jumped a few fences last night for the first time in weeks! I did a few singles and then T had me do a really tight, awkward right roll-back to the diagonal line to jump it backwards, basically. That awkward line really helped me stay straight and those were my best 2 jumps of the night. I botched my last fence a bit by jumping ahead but I totally held my breath and dropped my eye at the last moment. For not jumping in weeks, it went really well! 

On Sunday, after some difficulty getting my hips to release during our warm-up, everything started to come together. We had tried a turn from C down centerline and a circle from X to B at the trot, and it didn't go well at all. So, we stopped and stretched my hips and tried again and turning was like butter. It felt so seamless. Plus, later in class, T called my right lead canter "spectacular" and compared me to Tosh's other leaser, A, who has been riding him for many years, and has been riding with T since she was 9. T said, he doesn't give that beautiful gait to just anyone. I took that as very high praise, especially because A is a really beautiful rider and she and Tosh look amazing together. I found myself grinning stupidly from ear to ear for the rest of the day. 

But, I've found myself doing that after several of my lessons lately. It's really starting to come together and I can feel my confidence growing even more.

Back injuries suck

In late August/early September of 2016, I injured my back. I'm not exactly sure how, but I definitely did not take care of it like I should have because it felt better while I was riding or working out and then hurt quite a bit later. In November of 2016, I threw my back out trying to shift my husband's truck seat back (while not sitting in it). 

My chiropractor was a lifesaver, but it was the worst pain I've ever felt in my life. Worse than both of my broken arms. As I healed, I vowed to never feel that much pain again. So, I've worked really hard to strengthen my core over the last few years. 

Fast forward to 2 weeks ago tomorrow. My husband asked me to help him move the desktop he's helping a friend build so he could start sanding it. About 3 seconds after he told me, "it's heavy, be careful," he dropped his side of it. I had it and apparently wasn't smart enough to let go, so I twisted with it and in the process, pulled a muscle in my back. The same side I threw out 4 years ago. Great. 

I immediately started icing and taking ibuprofen to keep the inflammation down. It didn't hurt too much that evening, so I rode and didn't think much about it. By the next day, I was in quite a bit of pain, so I called my chiro and asked if they could squeeze me in that day or the next. I've been going 2x a week since, along with icing and ibuprofen as needed, and stretchy yoga a few times a week. 

I also have cautiously continued to ride. The Saturday after it happened, I was paying close attention to how my back felt and I noticed that the more I moved, the better it felt, even after I stopped. This was not quite the same injury as 4 years ago. 

So, I opted to ride on Sunday and when T asked what I wanted to work on, I said, well, I hurt my back the other day, and I'm hoping that riding will help loosen it up, so I'd like to just work on relaxation and figures at the walk.

It was legit one of the hardest lessons I've taken with her. So crazy how hard a walk lesson can be. We did 4 different sets of figures, including Jacob's ladder, Christmas tree (pictured below), and ice cream cone (also pictured below). I can't for the life of me remember the 4th figure, but I think it was harder than Christmas tree!

Christmas tree starts on quarter line, between K (on the rail) and D (which is on center line between K and F) and then you do 4 circles on each side of the straight quarter line path. I circled right first, then left, so the second set of circles was supposed to be left then right, third set was right then left, etc. We did that in both directions. It's HARD.

Ice cream cone is a bit easier. I did 1 loop from P to L and then a short diagonal from L to R. On the way back, I did 1 loop from R to I and then a short diagonal from I to P.

   

Tosh was not super excited to walk the entire time, but it was a great class. It really ingrained the feel of straight and moving my body around the turns. And, the motion of the walk loosened my back up a ton. 

When I got home, I took some ibuprofen and iced 20 min on-40 min off for the rest of the afternoon. I saw my chiro the next day feeling a ton better but still sore. I also did some yoga.

Since my back continued to feel better each day, I opted to ride on Tuesday but decided I wouldn't take any extra chances by jumping. I completed the flat portion of the class at walk-trot-canter and had a really balanced class overall. T excused us when it was time to jump. I untacked and threw Skylar back in his stall to pee while I watched my classmates do their courses. 

When I got home, I iced for the rest of the night. I did some yoga and saw my chiro on Wednesday, still feeling a ton better and much less sore.

Yesterday, I woke up feeling just a bit stiff, but grooming and doing my stall loosened me up really well and I hardly felt sore at all by the time I mounted. 

When T asked what I wanted to work on, I said I think we can start working back toward straightness, turning, and breathing again. My back is feeling a whole lot less stiff, with just some lingering soreness. I also told her I'd been doing yoga about 3x a week to stretch out my back and could consistently find my seat bones while sitting on the floor. Yay! 

Neither side felt any sort of way from my walk warm-up, so she sent me off tracking left to do ice cream cone. We did it from P-L-R and R-I-P again and then repeated it on the other side of the arena from V-L-S and S-I-V. She commented several times that my position was lovely, and my back and hips were straight and in line with Tosh's. 

Then she had me do a 3 loop serpentine from A to C without changing bend. On the way back, she had me do a 4 loop serpentine from C to A, with changes of bend. When we halted in front of her, she asked how everything felt. Felt pretty even. Turning left was slightly more difficult than turning right and I was tipping forward ever so slightly to the left. But, my balance was good and my body was straight.

We started trotting to the right and it felt really great! My right leg wasn't creeping up, my shoulder was mostly staying up and back, turning was pretty easy. We had some really lovely circles. Trotting left was very similar but the turns were still more difficult. I was struggling with getting my left leg at the girth, so I think it's for sure hips and back-related.

T asked if I thought I wanted to canter and I said, yes, I think my back is ok to do it. So, we started right again, and it was soft and relaxed, and turning was easy. I couldn't thigh-release to halt to save my life (hips and back, again), but Tosh knows his words, so he came down as soon as I said whoa. 

When we changed directions, I guess I was turned slightly outside, so I asked for the left lead and got the right lead. We swapped as soon as I looked where I was going and it was really lovely after that. Turning is much easier in the canter, as well, so we did a couple of nice circles and a loop from E to B and it never felt hard. 

There's just something about the motion of trot vs canter and the tightness in my hips and back. We'll get to the bottom of it eventually!

When I had finished cooling Tosh out, I got him 3 loads of hay. Then finished Skylar's stall once he went to the arena for his lesson (his was worse, so T asked me to switch) and got him 2 loads of hay. I got home and relaxed the rest of the afternoon with my ice pack.

Saw my chiro this morning. But I'm feeling a whole lot better and more mobile through my back and neck. Not out of the woods yet, but glad it is resolving itself fairly quickly!

Blog Hop: Home Office

I really loved L's Blog Hop post this morning, so thought I'd join in on the fun! I also stole her adorable little graphic because unicorn.

If you've been reading my blog for a while, you probably recall that I lived in FL for about 13 years. When my husband and I relocated to NC in December of 2016, I brought my job with me and went remote full time. Prior to moving, my boss and I agreed on a slow transition to help work out any kinks before I went full remote. So, I had been working from home 1 day a week and occasionally if we were traveling and I didn't want (or didn't have enough PTO) to take the entire time off. 

We rented for 2 years after moving here so we could get situated, learn the area, and figure out where we wanted to live. During that time in the rental, we shared a rather small spare room as an office space (I could literally turn my chair and smack him in the head without extending anything other than my arm -- but didn't, despite the daily temptation :-P). Hubby was going into the office 2-3 times a week and working from home the other days. Not good for the marriage to be in that tight of a space for 9+ hours a day!

Anyway, in January 2019, we closed on a house. One of the things we loved about it is that all of the living space is on the first floor (a good house to age in!) -- and the upstairs is a fully finished attic, with 2 rooms, and a loft space. I keep my personal computer, printer, and my sewing machine in the loft. He has the bigger space, since it is also a game room, but I think my space is cozier!

Let's take a look! Here is the view as you enter through the French doors.

If you look left from the doors, I have a large bookcase where I keep all of my reading and design books. I also keep some knick-knacks on it.

If you look to the right, there is a weird little storage area -- I call it the cubby hole. There was no door and it's a weird size, so I got curtains and put them on a tension rod to kind of conceal the mess of storage containers. We mostly keep our Christmas stuff in there, along with a vacuum and a floor cleaner. Also in the corner is 1 of 2 floor vases we used for wedding decor. (The other is in my "sewing nook." I'll show the loft below!)

If you continue along the wall with the cubby hole, you'll see Jazzy's office bed -- she works hard at napping. And, I hung my 3 senior thesis posters there. I thought about doing a mural on that wall, but I've decided I really love having the posters there. I'm still proud of them 12 years later and like seeing them in a space I use regularly. 

Next in the corner by the windows is a filing cabinet that matches my desk and bookcase. It was really important to me to have a workspace with matching furniture. I guess it makes me feel like more of an adult or something. I bought the desk when we were still in FL, the bookcase after we moved to NC, and the filing cabinet after we had moved into this house. I really wanted a place to keep personal files vs confidential work files, which live in the filing drawer of my desk.

I love the windows in my office. They let a lot of light in without blinding me at the computer. I can also see into the driveway if I'm expecting deliveries or the bug guy. I've hung several things on them with suction cups. On the left is a glass butterfly a friend and coworker gave me a few years ago and a prism maker (which is where the rainbows on the wall below my posters come from). On the right are 2 pieces of glass fusion art I made. The red one is a bay horse with a big blaze. The orange one is a dapple grey horse. In between them is a horseshoe dreamcatcher my best friend bought for me while visiting South Dakota. Hanging on the curtain rod on the right side is a purple dreamcatcher from the same friend. I recently added the unicorn sun-activated bobble head to the window sill. Right outside the window is a crepe myrtle tree that blooms in a deep pink color.

Next to the windows, I have a photo wall with some cool horse art, a horse frame I painted for my grandmother, a goofy photo of my team looking in a "window" at me, etc.

And finally, here is a view of my workspace. I chose to face my desk toward the door so I could see my husband or dog coming and going. Also, I liked the idea of being able to look out the window while I am on calls to avoid distraction and multi-tasking. I probably don't do that as much as I should!

Immediately outside my office door, is the loft area. As you exit my office, on the right is what I've deemed my "sewing nook." It's a weird little space and I kind of hated it empty. I thought about getting a cushy chair and a reading lamp and having a little reading nook, but I think it is much better served for my sewing machine. As things need new buttons or quick fixes, I place them on the corner table and once I have a decent pile going, I fix everything real quick. The corner table was a gift from our friends who were tired of storing it and had no real use for it. It fits perfectly and has a little drawer for some odds and ends that I don't keep in the little basket.

If you look left, you see a curio cabinet with more knick-knacks, a desk my husband's uncle gave us, with my personal computer. We also have a cute little antique table I put the printer on and a paper shredder. Not sure how well you can see the little calendar my great-grandmother made that is hanging above the printer...I clearly have not changed it since March!

Closer view of the curio. A lot of these items were my grandmother's. I paired down my knick-knacks quite a bit when we relocated but these are the items I couldn't bear to part with.

And finally, to the right of the desk is my little memorial wall. It started out as just horses and dogs, but then I found the little sailboat drawing on the bottom right while going through some photos to scan. My grandmother drew it while she was in hospice, and she didn't like it and was going to throw it away but I told her I wanted it. I found a frame for it and then just added a photo of her on the top left and a photo of my great-grandmother on the bottom, as well. 

And that's pretty much it, in a nutshell! I love this house and this space I have created for working. I find the green I chose for the walls to be soothing when I am feeling stressed. But mostly, I love that it is super easy for me to separate work and life when I leave the 2nd floor, which is really crucial for me to be successful in a work from home role.

Best class ever

On Sunday, I was moving a little slow. I hadn't gotten enough sleep and had chugged my bulletproof coffee and a keto muffin to hold me over until I got home. I also threw off my routine when I decided to use my "old" (they were only 2 years old and the sole was starting to separate) Ariat paddock boots for mucking/chores/cooling out, and the new ones I bought to replace them for riding only. This meant I could wear the older ones to the barn and change into the newer ones and my half chaps right before I bridled. In theory, it means the new boots and my half chaps will live longer. It also means I'll be a tiny bit cooler while doing my stall, right? Seems worth it. It only takes a couple of minutes to change shoes and what not, but it's a new step in my routine. Just have to get used to it!

Tosh had some pretty nice zebra stripes of mud on his legs and belly. He clearly had some fun in the rain the night before. After cleaning him up, I went to pick his feet and found a gigantic rock in his right front foot. So big that I tossed it just outside his stall and later took it to show T. I was shocked he wasn't sore during our class (or last night in the group class, for that matter).

Once he was clean and booted, I started on his stall. It was pretty wet, so after I had piled his hay back in the corner, I ended up mostly stripping it. When it was time to go get the surcingle to tack him up, I dumped my wheel barrow in the spreader, leaving the remaining shavings piled along the edges so I could toss them after my ride, and walked to the arena to grab the tack. I came back to the stall with the surcingle to find a fresh 💩 right in the middle. Thanks, buddy.

I ignored it for the time being, got the surcingle situated and then took him for his pre-ride drink. Then bridled him and sprayed him with fly spray again before heading over to the arena. He scooted a tiny bit when I clumsily threw myself onto his back, but he wasn't cold-backed at all, so we went off to do our warm-up. I felt really balanced right away, and on both long sides in both directions, I tried closing my eyes to test it out. Tosh said, yep, you're straight.

Sunday is not quite as labor-intensive as Tuesday, but still a busy day!

When T asked what I wanted to work on, I said, the same stuff we've been doing, straightness, turning, and breathing. She said my turns during my warmup had been really nice and asked how everything felt. I said, I feel really great so far, even, balanced, both legs feel the same length, and I closed my eyes in both directions and Tosh stayed right on the rail. She told me to pick a direction and I opted to go right first. We did some serpentines and circles, a few changes of direction without changing bend, a few where we started on a counter bend to a true bend, etc and all of it was soft and swinging and really nice. 

Once we were tracking right again, she had me pick up my trot and Tosh's body stayed loose and relaxed. T kept exclaiming, this is a beautiful trot! We did more circles, and a serpentine to change direction and amazingly enough, I was able to hold my body together for the majority of it! When we walked again, T said, I love to see him so free and floaty, because it means his rider is really balanced and soft. She asked how it felt and I said, it feels amazing. He feels really great. She said, well, he's just reflecting your body back to you.

Our canter work was fabulous...I mean, he was so soft and lofty, I actually got a little nervous for a few strides tracking right. I was thinking why the heck are we going so fast?! Then I started counting the rhythm and realized he wasn't going fast, he was just covering more ground, with more suspension. Even more exciting than how it felt, was that I was able to do several *round* circles in each direction with very little effort other than turning my head. My shoulders and hips followed and Tosh just went. 

After we'd walked a couple of laps to catch our breath, T asked if I wanted to do anything again and I said, I think our trot and canter work was really great and I want to hold onto that. Can we do some figures to cool out? 

So, she had me pick up the trot and do an hour glass from F to H, then from M to K. Tosh got super excited and wanted to canter again. He loves doing flying changes, so he was just ready to go show off. His shoulders were so lifted that turning him felt so easy, soft like butter and I was just giggling at him wanting to canter through the figures. Then we did a large serpentine from A-X-C, and he started to settle when we did several smaller serpentines from R-I-S, E-X-B, and P-L-V. Every turn was seamless, effortless. When we halted at A, T was clapping and exclaimed, THAT was your best class EVER!

Woohoo! I think I grinned stupidly through our cool out and finishing up Tosh's stall. I also think Tosh was messing with me a little. So, when we got back to the stall after doing our water walk, I picked up the present he'd left me before our ride, tossed the sides and spread the old shavings back around the stall, picking the little leftover pieces as I went. Then I went to empty the wheel barrow again and get fresh shavings. When I came back, there was another 💩 in the middle of the stall! What a brat! I dumped the shavings, picked up the 💩, spread the shavings, dumped the wheel barrow again, and went to get another load of shavings fully expecting to have another turd waiting for me. I was relieved that wasn't the case, LOL. Finally, I left him loose and then I went back in to top off his water and he was waiting at the door for me looking at me like, I know I was a good boy, where are my mints? He's such a character. 

Not my best work, but I enjoy practicing when I have a
few extra minutes, and it seems to help keep him cool

Tuesday evening was blazing hot with a heat index between 106 and 111. Unusual for this area. Luckily the humidity wasn't too bad. 

I saw J as I was bringing Skylar's tack to his stall and she called over, the shim will go on his right. I said, perfect, I was going to come ask before I tacked him up. She said he had been ridden 2x in that setup and she hadn't been able to look at the sweat marks before he got sponged off, so I assured her I'd come find her before untacking or send pictures of his back if she had gone home. 

We warmed up in the covered arena so we had some shade, and T had watered it before our class, so it did feel significantly cooler in there. The storms moving around the area generated a lovely breeze every once in a while. 

T had the 4 of us do lots of circles at the trot and canter during our warm-up, and during one of our walk breaks, T commented that I looked really balanced and asked how it felt. I said, it feels good so far, and Skylar is feeling looser and more forward with this saddle. Plus, I didn't feel like it was constantly dragging me left, like the week before.

Once we'd worked in both directions, T asked if anyone didn't want to jump. All 4 of us did, so we trekked down to the outdoor. All of the horses perked up a bit. They seem to know it's a jumping night and they thought we weren't jumping since we'd started in the covered. Too funny.

I went 3rd, after 2 really great rounds before me. T had me start tracking left, we jumped the skinny next to the bricks on half school, then turned right and did the first fence of the triple, turning right over the bricks, then turned left. She sent us up the diagonal line over the small stones and the lime green, and then down the triple toward home. 

I think I got a little ahead of him a couple of times, but I kind of went, oh crap, don't do that! and reminded myself to sit back in mid-air. I was only slightly better about breathing throughout the course, and consciously reminded myself to take a breath before the bricks and again before the small stones. Not nearly enough oxygen, but we got it done! We stuck around to watch Tosh jump and then trekked back to the arena to cool out. 

J deemed the saddle setup satisfactory for now, so we'll be sticking with it for a few weeks and see if anything changes. 

Balanced

Sunday morning, I woke up with my right shoulder feeling like it was in a vice. I must have slept funny, based on the increasing nerve pain behind the right shoulder blade from Friday on. I took some Advil, stretched and rolled around on one of my dog's tennis balls for a while. Between that and mucking Tosh's stall, the pain lessened significantly, but I had some lingering soreness.

I started writing this post on Wednesday, so this fit then

As Tosh as I were walking our warm-up laps, I closed my eyes on the long sides of the arena to test my GPS. Tracking left, I immediately felt him turn left toward the middle. I opened my eyes, adjusted my seat, closed them again and felt him go right back to the rail. Interesting.

When T asked what I wanted to work on, I said, turning, straightness, and breathing. I told her about the veering left when I closed my eyes and that he moved back to the rail when I adjusted my seat so I think it was leaning vs seat bone. She had me track left and close my eyes on the long sides to test the theory. He stayed straight as an arrow on both long sides. We changed directions and tried it that way. Not as straight, but still relatively good!

We did some circles at the walk and right away, the soreness in my shoulder showed up in the form of trouble turning right, which is a new issue for me since normally I can't turn left (or at all, depending on the day)! 

Toshy waiting for me to bridle him

We trotted right, first, to preserve stamina on the good side and it actually went well! We did a few circles and then crossed the diagonal to change direction, did a few more circles and walked for a bit. Turning left was definitely WAY easier.

After our short break and some water, we went to the right again. The absolute game-changer was when T told me to try putting my left hand in front of my right around my turns. It was such a simple fix to help my body turn right and it worked like magic! She asked how it felt and all I said was, holy crap! 

I tried it to the left, too, although far less pronounced, it still worked! 

Our canter work was incredible. I feel like a broken record saying it is the best to date, but hot damn, if it wasn't seriously the best work yet, I'm a monkey. 🐒

We didn't do any figures at the canter other than 1 loop from E to B and vice versa, but it was so soft and lofty. In both directions, Tosh turned exactly where I told him to, and I didn't have to work super hard to get him to do it. 

We chatted for a few minutes before I started cooling out. T asked if I had been sore after riding Eli the Thursday before, since he has a totally different way of going than Skylar. I said I was sore on Friday but it was mostly gone by Saturday.

I said I am feeling strong and generally a lot more balanced in all of my rides. I have been holding onto the surcingle handles a lot less at the trot and canter, and feel mostly balanced these days, even when we do figures. I still hold them to ask for the canter because Tosh is so prompt and I don't want to get left behind. But, once we're in a rhythm, I find myself letting go so I can my body turn better and brace less against the movement. It seems to be working!

When I dismounted and started removing the surcingle, I laughed out loud because I noticed that I could have gone 1 hole tighter on it but I was so balanced that it didn't feel wobbly and I didn't even notice. 1 hole isn't a huge deal, but in the past, I've definitely noticed the difference and asked T to tighten it. 

I mentioned it to T as a huge victory in terms of my seat and balance and she agreed that it is definitely a huge win! She said, I noticed it before we cantered but you weren't having any trouble. It would have been different if you were doing something where a super tight girth really matters, like team penning or barrel racing or jumping, but since all we were doing is flatwork and you were balanced, there was just no need to tighten it more.

No idea why I'm so pooped on Tuesday nights :-P

On Tuesday, Skylar's shoe was back on, so I gathered his tack and brushes. When I went to grab his saddle pad, I noticed his wither pad was missing. So, when I went back for the saddle, I took it to the arena to ask T or J about it. J is the resident saddle fitting expert and she was available, so I asked and she said, well, this is a totally different saddle, and it's not as wide, so we are going to try it without the wither pad and see how he goes. I asked if she wanted me to use the all purpose pad or the thicker fleece one and she said either was fine. That was all I needed to know!

I did his stall before my ride, but opted to do his hay after, since he gets a bit cranky when he gets fresh hay and can't eat it. 

When I got on, I immediately felt more to the left. I found myself adjusting the saddle to the right multiple times throughout the ride. Other than that, it was a really great class. During our flatwork, Skylar felt looser through the shoulder, since the saddle sat a bit further back, off his shoulders. 

When it was time to jump, the more advanced people went first, leaving me to be last. I expected to just do a couple of lines and be done, but after tracking right up centerline and doing the natural element of the triple 2 times, she started calling out other fences to me. Apparently T felt I was ready to do a small course!

We started up the centerline, turning at half school to get to the natural element of the triple toward home. We did that twice. (pink)

Then she had me go up centerline to the natural toward home, and turn to get the lime green on the diagonal away from home. We did that twice. (pink)

Finally, she had me come up centerline to the natural toward home, backwards turn to the small stones to the lime green on the diagonal away from home, half school to the bricks, choose a direction and commit to it, I chose to track left since we landed on the left lead, so she sent us up the triple away. (purple) 

And done! 

I was not expecting to do that much jumping at all! Other than Skylar not putting in enough effort at the large lime green crossrail the first time, we cantered most of it and got our distances, I stayed up and back, I released, and it felt smooth and dare I say it...easy!