It is what it is.

This phrase has become my motto lately. 


While I am very thankful for all that I have in life, sometimes it is hard to escape the negativity that tends to creep in, because it usually does so all at once. I have said more than once on this blog - and in the real world - that I am feeling overwhelmed. 


That hasn't changed. In fact, I think it is getting worse. Nobody panic, I'm not suicidal or anything, lol. But I do feel incredibly overwhelmed.


This downward spiral began slowly with Harley, two years ago next month. And has since catapulted itself full-force into my life. It will pass, it always does. I keep trying to count how many "things" have taken place, to see if I am up to 3, or 6, or 9...but the truth is, I have lost count.


So, it is what it is. Right? Right.


Promise was doing better yesterday. She is still very lame, but was able to walk with me down to the arena and we did 4 complete loops around the perimeter. She was slightly winded from the effort (and no doubt, the heat, too - she was slightly damp with sweat, I was soaked), nothing major, but I could see her breathing heavier than when she is standing still. So, we rested for a minute or so before climbing the hill back to the barn and she caught her breath quickly while I gave her a bath. 


I have discovered the good thing about having a lame mare is that I was able to check and clean her teats with little trouble, lol. She shifted her weight some, and looked at me like, "Mooooom, you're embarrassing me!!" but otherwise didn't fuss, and let me clean them up pretty thoroughly. Terribly gross job, but definitely needed to get done this time around. YUCK. She looked at me afterwards like, "Oh, you're right...that does feel better!"


And, I am so glad I have a mare!!! 


Anyway, after the full bath, tail-washing, etc. I brought her back to the barn and sprayed her down with fly spray, sprayed her tail with show sheen, then went to overflow a wheelbarrow full of hay for her lunch. And finally, rubbed the stifle down with liniment.


I was not able to find the STP pain reliever, so have an email out to the barn owner to order some more, and I'll reimburse her with my September board check. I'm not sure Promise really needs to have it, as she is bearing weight on the leg, but it can't hurt to have some on hand. 


I have also asked her if they can put a round bale in the stall with her, or in an empty stall and move her for several hours each day.


My goal with this lay-up is to keep weight on her, and get her sound. And I really don't want to contemplate the options if she doesn't come out of it sound. 




PS
Oh, and did I mention she lost a shoe? Yep. Left front is shoeless. 

So much for that idea

I was getting dressed this morning, ready to head to the barn, when my cell phone rang. The barn owner's number. At 8:15 on a Saturday. Uh oh.


It was actually the woman who was barn sitting for the weekend...but the news wasn't any better. It took her 30 minutes and a lot of coaxing to get Promise in from the paddock this morning. She said she would barely put weight on the right hind.


Insert expletive here.


Ok, I said, I was just about to head that way, I'll be there in about an hour. 


I get there, and she says she wanted to move Promise to the stall across the aisle, so she would be in the shade, but that she wouldn't walk any further for her. Good idea, I was thinking, looking at the stall in full sun. So, I haltered her and it took a few minutes to get her to go the 10 steps from stall to stall. She kept stopping and giving me this sad look and pawing. I kept patting her neck and telling her I know it hurts, but we're trying to make you more comfortable, so come on.


She finally got into the new stall and after some convincing (seeing a lame horse try to run is rather humorous) -- let me wipe her down with a wet towel to cool her off...I didn't have the heart to make her walk to the hose, nor did I want to create a large puddle in her new digs. 


Then I got about 5 armfuls of hay from the round bale and dropped them into her stall before putting her brushes into an effervescent wash to clean them, and then took off to the feed store down the street to see if they had the herbal pain reliever the barn owner had gotten for her (it's gone, I squeezed the last little bit onto Promise's tongue, but it definitely wasn't 10 mL) and to get some fly spray for the poor dear.


Fly spray. Check.
Herbal pain reliever. Still looking.


The rest of the morning went something like this:


I got back and sprayed her down, immediately making her one happy pony. Less shifting on the leg to kick at flies. 


Take the brushes out of the wash and place them on her regular stall wall to dry. Empty bucket and rinse it.


Clean brush box, and bottles that I keep in it.


Call my mom and ask her whether I should scream...or cry. And then tell her why.


Watch Promise stand with the back half of her body in the rain and not care, because she has 5 armfuls of hay at her feet. She shifts her weight occasionally and does not have full weight on the leg, but for the most part, at least it is flat on the ground.


Make her mash and let it sit in the A/C tack room to keep it away from flies.


Look for the hay net she'd been using last fall. No luck. So, get a wheel barrow and overflow it with more hay and dump it in another part of her stall to encourage her to move occasionally.


Hang out and chat with the barn sitter.


Write a note on the white board saying no turnout for Promise.


Rub some liniment on the right stifle. Need to get more or maybe a poultice?? I can't decide.


Give her the mash, and chat some more with the barn sitter. 


Laugh at Promise with mash all over her face.


Give a handful to Promise's boyfriend, after she splatters some on his face. Tease.


Take her out and coax her down the aisle, out to the front yard, slowly walk a big loop and then back down the aisle.


She looked better and took less encouragement to do this. That's a positive turn, and a quick one.


I didn't call the vet...couldn't see paying for an emergency call on a weekend when I know what they'll say. Stall rest. Anti-inflammatories. Light hand-walking. I'm planning on a minimum of two weeks of stall rest. We'll see how she looks after that. Maybe I can get the barn owner to put a round bale in her stall or something. 


So we're starting back at square one. It's been almost a year of this. I am praying she hasn't done permanent damage. No way of knowing right now. If she has, I have some serious thinking to do about quality of life, and whether she truly comes out of it at a minimum of pasture sound. 


I so don't want to have to make that call. Fingers crossed that it's not as bad as it looked this morning.

In response...

...because I started to reply to KK's comment on my last post, and realized it could turn into a post in itself. So, here it is!


Yes, I have pretty much decided that saving my money is the way to go, lol. If the reading was still $50, I might consider doing it a little more seriously, but somehow that extra $25 for a 30 minute conversation that isn't truly a necessary expense when I am trying to save, save, save, just seems overwhelming to me at this point in time. :)


I just have that super-insecure sense of not wanting to push too much too fast, but not wanting to not do enough, either. I hate this feeling of limbo! But, looking back through my blog, she first came up lame (this time around) in the middle of May. She's had nearly 3 months off, with turnout each night. And is inexplicably not sound, but not lame. The barn owner has not mentioned anything changing in quite a while, 6 weeks or more, I'd guess, even in a short email conversation the other day, which I initiated to tell her the board check was in the mail. 


Sooooo, yeah. It's probably been long enough. And, no news is good news, as always.


I am hoping this weekend I can get on her and walk around for a while, while the special she's-a-spoiled-pony mash I got her is soaking. She's been rather neglected with mom attention in the past several weeks, due to incredibly hot temps, trying to stick to a workout routine, my grandmother, etc. The most she's gotten is a quick mane pull, brushing and hosing off to cool her down in the middle of the day. But when I feel like I might literally melt in the heat, I can't imagine making her do anything, especially since she is wearing a fur coat!!


So, the peppermint and apple raisin mashes are my attempt to buy my way back into her heart (ahem, via her stomach, of course). That, and a nice cool bath, ought to do the trick.


I guess I need to plan to get up early on Saturday and try to beat the heat that starts up full swing mid-morning. I might just hop on her bareback, with a pad and my surcingle, if she'll let me. Seems too hot for the saddle. Ultimately, like I said, I just want to walk around...and maybe take her up the trail a bit. Might need the saddle for that, though, lol.

I had a thought...

And, yes, it hurt. :)

Several years ago, I had an animal communicator speak with Promise. It was amazing. (Here.) On my way home from visiting my boyfriend last night, I started to think about contacting her again...this time, to see how Promise is doing physically. To actually get an answer from her, about how her leg is feeling. Is it still sore at all? Or is she feeling better? Does she want to get back to work? etc.

The only problem is, I'm trying my damnedest (that looks weird, but spell check says it's right) to save money. It's $75 for 30 minutes. Plus, I am booking a cruise for my boyfriend's 30th birthday, and keeping it a surprise...in other words, I be payin' for it myself. Sigh.