It's been a week...or two.

Warning: rant.


Last week, I had an appointment with an eye specialist. My regular eye doctor had been bugging me to go see him because my optic nerve appears blurry. I finally gave in. I waited for 2.5 hours to be told everything BUT the fact that he clearly thought I was fat and that was what was causing the problem (one of his first questions was my height and weight). He was a jerk.


Am I fat? Technically, yes. The number on the scale is higher than I thought it would ever be. I wear it well, and most people don't know. But it can't stay this way. I want to be comfortable in my own skin again. I want my clothes to be too big. I want to feel skinny and sexy again. I want to be healthier and stronger.


One of my resolutions was to lose 5 lbs per month for the next 8-10 months. I know I can surpass this pretty easily, but I wanted to keep it completely attainable so I wouldn't get discouraged. It is January 21, and in the last 18 days, I have lost 5 lbs. I am already ahead of schedule! I have been working out and doing cardio (the goal is 3 times a week, I've done two this week, plus tomorrow), and doing yoga 1 or 2 times a week (tonight). I have been eating better, and less, and keeping a food journal.


One of my other resolutions was to stop avoiding health issues because I was too lazy to make the appointment. Hence the specialist. And, the fact that I'm getting a second opinion in a couple of weeks (soonest appointment was February 8).


See, he told me I needed an MRI and a spinal tap, and probably a medication that would reduce the optic nerve swelling while I lose the weight. I scheduled the MRI, but when I filled out the paperwork, I saw that they won't bill for deductible/co-pay. I called to verify. They wanted $658 at the time of my appointment. Sorry, please cancel my appointment, I can't do that. The fantastic person on the other end hung up on me. BEYOND ignorant and rude. I won't be going there for anything. (I'm bitter, can you tell?)


Anyway. I'm going to hold off on the MRI until I see the second guy. I need to call and cancel my follow up with the first guy, which is two days later. I've been doing some reading (I'm sure he'll love that, not.) and I think it actually might be weight AND sinus related. I am pretty confident I don't have a brain tumor. But I DO have sinus problems, nearly year round, which can cause swelling, etc. So, we'll see what he says.




In other news. I got an email from the barn owner last night before I headed to the gym for my fitness evaluation. She said Promise was moving pretty slow and was gimpy. Insert any colorful word you can think of here. She asked if it might be time for another injection. I REALLY hope not. Because it has been exactly 2 months and 3 days.


I'm trying not to freak myself out. It could be the wacky weather we're having...cold, then warm, then rainy, then cold, then rainy, then warm, then cold. Ad nauseam. I think it's safe to say she has some arthritis in that joint, she also has arthritis in her hocks. I'm praying it's the weather.


I can't get there until tomorrow morning...and I actually CAN get there now, since I have no MRI appointment. So, I will go out and see how she looks, and if she works out of it at all.


If she doesn't, or looks really bad again...I don't know what to do. I am not financially able to pay $200 every 2 months for these injections. I really wish I could, but I just don't make enough money right now. Where do I draw the line on her quality of life? And my wallet?


Welcome back to square one.