A confidence builder

I rode at 9 am yesterday. It was a bit tough to get up and get going after hanging out at a neighborhood Christmas party the night before (no drinking, just a late night!), and getting out of the house with no coffee. 

But I actually really enjoyed the quiet of the barn that early and I got to free lunge Tosh in the arena, which he thoroughly enjoyed. He bucked and played a little bit, and then got himself all worked up about the other horses being turned out. He ignored my voice as he was zooming around but I finally managed to step in front of his shoulder and get his attention back on me. I asked him to turn toward the fence and change direction several times and asked for trot-canter transitions in the midst of those turns to get his attention fully on me. Finally, I had an ear, licking and chewing, and he came down to a walk when I asked him to, and turned toward me. I asked him if he was done playing and he dropped his head and licked and chewed, so I walked over to catch him and then hand-walked him until T was ready.

I mounted and she walked him in a circle until the tension left his back, then I got into 2 point and we did our 2 laps of warm-up. When we finished that, T asked me what I wanted to work on. I said, well, I had a stressful week at work, and I'm trying not to dwell on the challenges that I had in my last 2 lessons. So, I think I would like to just have a quiet, confidence-building lesson. She asked if there was anything in particular I wanted to work on and I said not off the top of my head.

So, she sent us off in a working walk tracking left on the box to do some figures. More circles and serpentines. She commented right away about my leg looking really great. 

Tosh was a bit looky, so our first conversation was about how he wasn't being spooky, he was reacting to my anxiety and he was watching out for me, because he sees me as his leader. T said he had 1 ear on me, but then would look at something, like the sun shining on the sand in the arena, like, is that what you're nervous about? No? Ok, how about that? She said she had no problem with him doing that, as it was making us aware of it. I took a few deep breaths to relax, which allowed him to exhale and lick and chew. Then I owned up to the realization that my anxiety in the last few weeks seems to be due to PTSD of fresh horses in cold weather and a no lunging policy in lesson programs (I talked about that in my last post). 

She said she just doesn't understand that mentality. That it's unfair to ask a fresh horse to settle down to work without an outlet for their excess energy. It's like asking a kid with a lot of energy to sit down and do a math test before having a chance to run around on the playground. She then said if I ever feel uneasy about a horse being fresh or whatever, to just tell her and she will either handle the situation (ie, we will stop and lunge the horse) or if I feel my horse is being excessively nuts, even with lunging, we can switch horses, if she has another one available, etc. I commented that seeing Tosh zoom around and buck and play before I ride doesn't give me anxiety at all, but that feeling like he is zooming around under saddle does. And that while I have felt like I can't say anything in other programs, I do feel that she fosters a safe environment where it is ok to voice concerns or anxieties and I really appreciate that.

We turned left again and picked up the trot to continue working on figures. Tosh and I were both more relaxed. The left was pretty good. To the right, I was dropping my right shoulder. She had me halt and lift my right arm over my head, thumb back. As my shoulder released, I automatically tucked my butt underneath me to sit on my seat bones, which is a new phenomenon, but the right one! My brain is clicking finally! After that, I was able to feel more when I was starting to drop it and replicate the feeling of lifting it up again without having to lift my arm. She says my sticky spot is in the corner after C. I always drop it there. So, I really started focusing on thinking about keeping it up and back in that corner and it helped a lot. 

After some walking and more discussing, she asked if I wanted to canter left or right first. I chose the right. So, she told me to gather my reins for a working walk after H and when I was ready, ask for the canter. I asked near M, and he was so prompt that I got left behind and subconsciously posted to try to catch up. He broke and came back to the walk. She said, what happened? I said, I got left behind, but I didn't get nervous about it and that is what I am usually worried about! She laughed a little and told me to ask again. The 2nd depart was WAY nicer and I remembered to breathe most of the way around the arena, including in a large circle at A. We halted perfectly square in front of her and then reversed to canter left. I asked near M again and it was an amazing, perfect depart into a beautiful rhythmic canter with another perfect circle at A. We halted square at M and she exclaimed that that was my best canter EVER!

We walked back to her and she asked if I wanted to try the right again. I thought about it and said, I think it wasn't as good as the left but it was definitely comparable and I want to leave it at that. She said ok, shall we trot a few more figures? Sure! So, we did 4 figure 8s at the trot, focusing on keeping my loops even, consciously changing my bend in the middle and keeping my eyes and shoulders up. 

All in all, it was a really great lesson and it was exactly what I needed mentally.