All of a sudden, it's April...

And I haven't posted since November. Weird how that happens sometimes! 

Every once in a while, I think, I should post about this lesson, but then I either get busy and forget or I talk myself out of it because while it is exciting to me, and I see the growth that is happening, it is kind of mundane to describe it here.

I'll try to keep the long stories short! 

I have not ridden Tosh since January when we were having a really great surcingle lesson, but when I asked for the left lead canter at E, he decided to take off bucking. Totally out of character for him. And I could hear T being like, Tosh, what the hell or something similar in the background. She was saying whoa and so was I, and he just was not having it. 

Luckily, I was holding onto the grabs when I asked and was able to stick with him. I think if I'd been in a saddle I would have been a goner. We got all the way to B before I was able to turn him to the fence and 1-rein stop him. We turned back around to walk over to face T while I caught my breath and she told me how great I had done sticking with him, keeping my cool, and getting him to stop fairly quickly. Ugh, that half an arena felt like forever!

She asked what I wanted to do from there -- did I want to try the left lead again or do some more trot work and see if we could both settle back down or be done for the day. I initially said let's try the left lead again if there won't be more theatrics, but as soon as we started walking off and I was gathering my reins to have a bit more contact while holding the grabs, he started getting prancy. She said, there will be theatrics, let's do some more trot work. So that's what we did, and he was good for the rest of the class.

Since then, I've been riding Jodee exclusively on Sundays and Tuesdays. I've even ridden her in a surcingle a few times, which was completely out of my comfort zone, but went really well every time. She definitely narcs on things that Tosh ignored, which is helping me get even better.

I'm still working through my anxiety. Most of the time, it's a lot better, but every once in a while, it creeps in to stay. I realized on Sunday, when I had my private lesson outside, and knew we would probably jump, that I am more anxious in my group lesson than I am in my private, even when jumping will be involved. T reminded me just last week that I don't have to jump. If I ever feel like I don't want to that day or at all, it does not bother her and should not bother me. I really do appreciate this sentiment, but I currently think that I do still want to do it. I don't feel outwardly scared at any point, I just feel anxious/nervous before or when I know it's coming. 

Skylar would ignore it because he is less sensitive than Jodee in that respect. Jo does not ignore it, she feeds off of it. But I have gotten to the point where I can tell when her speed walk is her wanting to GO vs me feeling anxious, and then I can take steps to try to lower my heart rate. It's a work in progress. But it's going well.

What else? 

I got my 1st dose of the Pfizer vaccine on 3/22 and my 2nd dose on 4/12 (Promise's birthday!). I had very few side effects from either dose, which was great. After the first one, my arm was a bit tender for about 12 hours, and then a few days later, I was super itchy, almost like I was going to get a cold sore. After the 2nd one, I cleared my schedule and ended up feeling totally fine. I had a slight headache most of the day on Tuesday but that is just as likely to have been a combo of allergies/work/vaccine. 

I took a mental health day on April 5 and went over to Dover to buy a new helmet and try on a safety vest. I really wanted a MIPS helmet to replace my Troxel, which was coming up on 6 years, but I had not tried any of the brands that offer it on before, so I figured it was best to go to the store. I ended up buying a Tipperary with MIPS, and I was shocked that a large helmet fit me. I love that it has the little dial on the back to adjust it because sometimes, I legit think my head is bigger than other days LOL. I then donated my old helmet to the lesson program. I figured if T had said no, I'd cut the straps and throw it out, but it was worth asking before I did that, because there is nothing wrong with it, other than its age! 

I didn't have as much luck with the vest. I tried the largest one they had in the store on, an XL Tipperary, and it did fit, but I definitely needed some more room in it for the girls. And, if we're being honest, my belly at this point. I've fallen off the keto wagon several times and have not been succeeding at keeping the lbs off. I need to get my butt back in gear, but that's for another post!

Anyway, they said they would order the next size up and would call me when it came in so I could come try it on, but I was under no obligation to buy it. I still have not heard from them. I figured I would call them next week or the week after and follow-up if I still had not heard anything. I know it could take a few weeks for them to get it in. 

I don't think a safety vest is going to magically fix my anxiety, but I keep thinking that part of it stems from a desire to not get hurt, so it may help even if it doesn't eliminate it entirely. Worth a shot, right? Also, I am one of like 2 or 3 people at the barn that does not wear one, and it probably is time for me to jump on this particular safety gear wagon.

Even without the vest, I managed to spend over $500 between the helmet, 2 pairs of breeches, and 2 shirts. Sheesh! Worth it though. The helmet feels so light and is much more compact than the old one. I love it so far!