Epiphany

Actual footage of me after my lesson on Sunday

T threw me for a loop on Sunday. She had a horse come up lame, so had to rearrange rides. This meant that she put me on Skylar for the first time in a few months.

It was a mostly uneventful ride with a lot of really, really good moments. My newfound center felt a bit more natural until I started to fatigue, when it felt off-kilter again. The good news is, my brain is coming to terms with it. At first, I struggled a lot to the right -- I couldn't get Skylar to listen to my left leg and I apparently kept dropping my left rein. Once I found my left seat bone (on command!) and kept my left rein, it went a bit smoother!

During my ride, I realized Skylar's narc -- I take my leg off when I'm trying to fix something. So, we were cantering around on the right lead and I felt myself tip to the inside. To fix this, I took my leg off ever so slightly and shifted my weight to the outside. This would have resulted in Tosh or G continuing on like nothing had happened, especially since I had rebalanced myself. But, therein lies the subtle differences in the levels of training of her horses. Tosh and G have been taught to continue going until something changes and/or pressure is added. Skylar, though, requires constant leg or he stops doing what you were asking. Oops. Once I kept my leg on, he kept going.

The big epiphany came on the way home while I was percolating on the lesson as a whole. I realized that I don't feel anxious at all when I know I am about to ask Skylar to canter. But on Tosh, and a little bit on G, I do feel uptight about it. Yet, I am not nervous in the canter itself. I may get flustered in traffic, but the canter itself is just so much fun. There is no anxiety once I'm doing it, and T has mentioned that my body is not screaming anxiety at all. 

I think it's because, while Skylar's response is prompt like all of her horses, his departure is...well, slower, less powerful, maybe a bit steadier? I am not exactly sure how to describe it. Tosh's depart is SO quick, and forceful, SO PROMPT...that I feel like I am going to get left behind or tip forward to compensate. Remember what T has said about me not wanting to make a mistake? If I'm right about this, she's bang on and I'm too far in my head. My anxiety is coming from the fact that I don't want to ride the departure wrong. I don't want to tip forward or back or pull on his face. So I get all worried about doing it right and then, often, make a mistake anyway. Now that I'm aware of it, I need to share the info with T and see if there is a way to get out of my head even more!