I'm feeling...helpless.

Has anyone else ever noticed that things seem to compile and happen all at once? I'm sure you have...and that's where I'm at, currently.


It goes something like this...


My grandmother isn't doing well. If she makes it through the end of the month, I think we'll all be surprised. It pains me to say that we put Harley to sleep in better condition than she is right now. But there is nothing we can do. Luckily, she is not in pain, and according to her nurse, it is likely she'll go to sleep and not wake up. If you ask me, that's the way to go.


My boyfriend has been 400 miles away for nearly 6 months now...and will most likely remain there through December. We see each other every 2 to 3 weeks, which is hard, when for the 4 years we've been together, we've seen each other every weekend, at minimum. It's been a difficult adjustment for both of us. And, he's miserable most of the time because he and his mom don't get along. So really the only benefit is that he's able to save money while not paying rent.


And, as if those everyday things aren't enough to cause stress and gray hairs, Promise..


I went up this evening to brush her and hang out, and got there just as she was finishing her dinner. So, I cleaned her auto water bucket and then brushed her...took care of the abrasion on her left wither and tried to figure out the swelling on her right wither. 


I have no idea. 


There is no puncture wound, no nothing. It's just swollen. I thought maybe she got stung, but I see no evidence of an entry point. I cleaned it up, and not knowing what else to do, put furazone on it. 


Then I cleaned up the abrasion and put furazone on that, as well. Apparently, her "boyfriend" has a similar abrasion on his right wither. So, my gut with that one is that they were grooming each other, and one of them got a little rough, so the other retaliated. Again, I don't know for sure. Neither injury seems very painful, although the swollen side is a bit tender, she did let me scrub the hair around it.


She also has some proud flesh from a small cut on her right front.


When I finished, I let her out, and as she walked into the pasture with her buddies, I noticed she was lame. Again. Right hind....fantastic, right? I think she re-pulled her stifle. I chased her off a bit to make her trot, and she's head-bobbing lame. 


Good grief, can I catch a break here? 


I left her out, because I don't think she's going to do anything crazy if she's ouchie. And, I called the barn owner to let her know that a.) she is lame again, and b.) I left her out, knowing she is lame, which the barn owner was fine with, as long as I was good with it.


I would love to avoid putting her back on stall rest, after the last debacle. I mean, truthfully, it's within the last 8 weeks or so that she's been 100% sound, and put all the weight back on. She injured herself, originally, in late October.


The barn owner said she has an herbal pain reliever/inflammation reducer she will give her tonight and in the morning to see if it helps. Neither of us wants her to get bute again, after the ulcer thing. And, Promise certainly wasn't miserable while I was there in her stall, or even while she was gimping around outside. 

Since we can pretty much be sure it is the stifle again, I am not going to call the vet unless she gets worse, and even then, I know he will prescribe bute and stall rest. So, it's almost like, why bother? I know the diagnosis and the solution. I also know how miserable my horse was the last time with the solution. So, if I can avoid it, I'm going to. 

Yes, I'm being defiant!

And, I am feeling helpless. I can't help any of them. 

I could move Promise, but we both really love this place. And, I hate to have her on solo turnout again, especially when I am there every other weekend currently. She is SO happy...and let's face it, horses are accident prone, particularly when in group turnout. 


I hate being the type of paranoid owner I'm steadily becoming...I hate calling the vet...and I especially hate vet BILLS.


I just can't escape feeling overwhelmed that it is one thing after another in all areas of my life! I'm at a loss for words, and I have no brilliant ideas left. I officially don't know what to do anymore. While I certainly don't want to wish my life away, I would like to fast forward through some of this...


Is it over yet?